What's Up With All The Cats? - A Shadow Journey

If you follow me, you may have seen me talk about "the black cat" or have seen me use a black cat mask in a few of my artworks. Some might automatically assume something negative, erotic, or mysterious but this icon of the black cat has symbolized a much deeper meaning for me. It was an icon that initiated me into something I would never be able to turn back from.

As a child, I had bad experiences with cats. Particularly, this one black kitten named Feo who would pounce on me (literally) every morning before school. It was my first interaction with an all-black cat and my last one for a long time after Feo pounced on me one day and stuck its claw into the side of my face. I ran around screaming for mercy while the little kitten hung from my face. Even though Feo, only being a kitten, gave me a terror for cats, out of my control, cats seemed to always be attracted to me.

Late one summer night, I sat on my deck with my sister to enjoy the late-night ambiance in Suffolk, Virginia. Out of the dark, appears a big, black and brown furry cat. It walked up the steps of our deck and approached my sister and I as if it knew us. The cat jumped up on my lap like a begging dog and consumed my affection. This was, by far, one of the most unexplainable, liberating experiences for me, but it wasn't the first or the last time a cat liberated me. Another time, while on a bike ride with my roommate at the time, we passed a grey cat sitting outside it's home on the porch. We stopped to observe it and I jokingly 'meow'd' at it. The cat immediately starts walking towards me. My roommate and I look at each other in shock. While thinking, "Is this happening?", the cat took a seat next to me and my bike. I felt honored. After many occurrences, I accepted that this was just some unordinary experience that would give me an intrinsic view on my life. I began to consider myself to be a cat goddess and took on the energy merging myself with cats, lions, and even Bastet, the Egyptian goddess in my art. The cat became my spirit animal.

Coming from a fierce pack of mothers and daughters, I came to enjoy the kitty attention and my new found resonance with them. The enjoyment wasn't forever lasting, though, and actually took a turn back to fear after the black cat became an addition to my many already nightmares. As I rested one night, one of the terror images that played in my mind went a little like this:

I laid on my bed, sleep in the night. My fireplace illuminated my room of bright red. I entered into sleep paralysis and couldn't move an inch of my body. All of a sudden, a small black kitten jumps on my bed and frightens me. Still unable to move, the cat creeps up on me and I try my hardest to fight through the paralysis. I tried so hard that I'm finally able to speak but in a distorted voice. I yell out in a deranged way, "YOU BLACK CAT!". The cat is frightened, backs off of me a little, but fears me no more and creeps back on me. 

This dream haunted me for weeks, not in fear, but in search for reason. I needed to know what was the reason for the cats terror return. What was my subconscious trying to tell me? That cat dream wasn't the first and if I couldn't learn the reason, I knew it wouldn't be the last. So my quest had just begun...

I searched and opened my mind to the endless symbolic possibilities that google lead me to. I googled for many days and even weeks, but my answers did not come. Through my research and living day to day ongoing my healing journey, I had about 3 more black cat dreams. They crawled out of my walls and ceilings, they ran around my room while I slept and ate my candy, and they almost always caused me sleep-paralysis when they came around. After so many dreams and even real-life experiences of seeing them everywhere, I finally shared these experiences and got a new researched suggestion.

I researched the Native American meaning of the black cat. The meaning symbolized a need to recognize the dark aspects of myself. I needed to recognize the fact that we all have a light and dark side and mine needed recognition and balancing. This finally resonated with me because before these dreams occurred, I decided that I would start a personal quest to find my ego. I wanted to become more grounded within myself and more powerful. I wanted to tap into my inner 'Beyonce'. I believed that I lacked confidence and I needed to gain it in order to be a solid leader which was a goal of mine.

After my re-introduction to the black cats and finding my clarity, life sent me on a 3-year journey through the dark. It was scary and deep to see another side of myself. It was also overwhelming to learn where the 'dark' was hidden within me already. I experienced my darkest depression during these times. I was afraid of the dark, I couldn't sleep, and I even had thoughts of not wanting to be alive anymore. I was actually afraid that the devil was after me. The last experience that turned this experience around was a quote that I heard, "The devil disguises himself as the angel of light". It made me realize that searching for the light in the midst of my dark times was not the way I needed to go, but instead, I needed to go right towards what I was running away from.

I thank the black cats for initiating me into my shadow journey. They were around since I was a child, and they always crept up in the background of my life, but once I was ready, or once I asked, they finally, and truly, showed themselves. I now utilize both aspects of the light and dark in life and myself, daily. It has helped me gain confidence, gain strength, develop my self worth, and feel more grounded in my being. I finally feel at home in my being and it's not all light and love, but it is also "I wish a bitch would..." (lol jp :D) .

I hope you enjoyed reading this. Please leave me feedback in the comments. I am open to all questions as this post only scratches the surface of the topic at hand.

Much Love!

Perla Woods

Chase your fears and express yourself