Repeated Cycles, A Poem

Do I need to speak

About the intuition I’ve been holding on to?

How I’ve been obsessively thinking about this niggle in my heart?

Strongly holding on to the face of being okay

I am resilient and I am strong

Strong enough to hide that I’ve been holding on

To a love that is not mine

Because I believe that it will be

Am I ignoring the signs that say he is not?

Or am I ignoring the signs that say he is?

The devil

The toxicity

Was it all an illusion?

Is there really all love and light within this thing that I could only see darkness

Because fear set in when an inch of love was felt

Am I the issue?

Deep down inside my facade of a life that I so gratefully admire

They tell me to unbound myself

Release the soul patterns and the past lives

The trauma that I have been holding on to

Like playing small because of fear of being seen

There is another being inside of me

& they say that being can go 

I say the being of playing small

Playing safe

Doubting and being okay with others doubting me

It would be the person who would arise if I were to die today

& I am afraid of death

Even though I have felt it before

and I survived

This life does not make me happy

but would I sacrifice myself for the betterment of humanity?

When I smacked that floor

I was reborn